You need to both have a common goal, want the same things. You need to be able to separate the mundane every day tasks of life that take over the longer you are together. It’s these tasks that can get in the way to keeping the love alive. Things like household chores, running kids around, paying the bills, which TV shows to watch. Every couple has their own list of the little things that cause the biggest tensions. It’s usually the same things that couples disagree on over and over again. Each time the unresolved issues from the last time you discussed it or argued over it are still there, bubbling away under the surface. They sit in your memory bank, not as the fact that you’ve argued over and over again, but the feelings sit in your memory bank. The feelings of frustration, of not feeling supported, of feeling ignored, rejected, left out, not cared for, and so on.

It’s easy to get caught up in this. Focusing on what the problems are, how your partner makes you feel when they’re not doing what you want them to do. However, if couples put as much effort into keeping the love alive as they do to keeping the argument going or proving they are right, or trying to keep the upper hand their relationships would be very different.

The key is to make the effort to do the loving, caring things for your partner like you did in the beginning. Tell your partner lovely things about themselves, make their favourite meal, pick a flower for them, text them to tell them you can’t wait to see them again.  Ask them what they’d like you to do for them and do it, no strings attached, just because you want to make them happy. Listen to them attentively as they talk, looking into their eyes.

Taking and making the time, effort and commitment to keeping the love alive is worth it. It’s a beautiful feeling to feel alive in the arms of your partner, to feel that skipped heartbeat, the butterflies, the excitement. To feel in love, in sure beats the mundane, routine, going through the motions existance.

With love & gratitude, Julie xxx

Reflect on your last disagreement with your partner or another significant relationship. How did you react? ….How did they react? …How are you feeling about it now? …What are you hanging onto from the disagreement? …Are you proud of how you handled things? …Do you wish you’d acted, or said something differently? …Chances are these questions are bringing up some emotions for you. You may be feeling angry, guilty, remorseful, blaming, self righteous, etc. Or maybe you don’t want to admit your role in how things panned out. When you stay in these emotions or thinking patterns, saying sorry becomes hard.

If you can, step back and look at things from another perspective. How do you think the other person was feeling? ….How might they be feeling now? …If you could change something about how you handled things, what would that be?….

Now, let all that thinking stuff go…
Take some nice slow breaths, letting all that tension float away. Staying nice and relaxed and focusing on your breath in and out. Connect with the love in your heart, it may help to think of something or someone you love dearly. Just stay in that space, while continuing to breathe. Allow the beautiful feelings of that love grow with each breath, connecting with it more and more.

If you’re not already, think of the person you had the disagreement with. Feel the love you have deep inside for them, let any thoughts float away, just connect with the love. With each breath in and out letting the love expand and grow, feeling stronger and stronger. You may have a tear or two, that’s ok. Just allow the feeling to surface as you continue to allow the feeling of love to envelope you gently….
When you are ready, still feeling the love and bringing it with you, take some deep breaths and gently bringing your awareness back to where you are now. If you want to, saying sorry will be so much easier now.

With love & gratitude, Julie

Always respect the other person. They are an individual just like you. They have life experience too. It may not be the same as yours but it’s very real for them. Respect means not thinking that you know best every time.

Listen! It’s often said that you have two ears and one mouth because listening is twice as important as talking. The best way to show someone that you value them is to listen. Practice hearing what the other person is saying, allow some silence in the conversation so you know they’ve finished speaking. That way you won’t cut them off or share your thoughts when they’ve got more to say. Try to let some conversations just be about the other person.

Don’t criticize. Your intentions may be good, you’re probably just trying to help them become a better person, or do a better job at something. Your comments or suggestions or actions can be perceived by the other person as criticism. It doesn’t matter if they do things their way, or in actual fact not how you want it to be done.

 Look in the mirror! If they’re pushing your buttons, take a look at yourself. Things only annoy you when you do something similar. It can be hard to admit this. If the relationship means a lot to you, it is really important that you are prepared to work on yourself in order to improve the relationship.

Pick your battles. Striking a balance between loosing yourself in the relationship and standing up for you takes practice. Don’t argue over petty things that won’t matter in a year’s time. It can help to excuse yourself, go for a walk or take some deep breaths to allow you the space to put things into perspective. Ask yourself if this happening with someone else would it matter as much?

With love and gratitude, Julie

There’s two types of people who don’t achieve their goals. Those who typically focus on having goals that are action based, something they have to do or achieve without any idea of how. This can be demotivating, and undermining as that …little voice in your head starts to question your ability to achieve your goal. And then there’s people who don’t set goals because they just don’t know how to or believe they can’t possibly achieve them.

It is important to set the right goals. Goals that you connect with, that are meaningful and make you feel better.

For the month of January, you can have 1/2hr goal setting session with me for just $60.

In these sessions you will:
*become clear about what is most important to you
*connect with your true hearts desires
*set realistic and inspiring goals for the year ahead

The goal setting sessions are available in person, over the phone or via Skype. They are the perfect way to start 2012 with a clear intention about what you want to achieve this year. To book a session, click here.

Here’s some tips to help you stay on track.

1.      Mix with like minded people

Like minded people energise you and lift you up. They understand where you’re coming from and you don’t need to explain yourself or justify your choices or actions. This brings more self acceptance and more enthusiasm to keep working on your stuff.

 2.      Read books, websites, blogs

Reading information about the stuff you are working on keeps you motivated and focus. What you already know will be reinforced and you will learn more. This leaves you feeling empowered and helps you to learn as you grow. Feeling more confident that you know what you are talking about makes it easier for you to share your knowledge with others.

 3.      Use affirmations

An affirmation is anything you say or think. People who aren’t used to working with affirmations don’t take a lot of notice of what they are saying or thinking. An affirmation is simply a conscious decision to change a thought or your words to something that sounds better and more importantly something that feels better. When you are working through your stuff you will notice what you are saying or thinking about the subject more and more. All you need to do is change the words to more positive words. Use words that describe how you want things to be or what you want to have. Always choose words that make you feel better.

 4.      Spend time with your feelings

Learn to be comfortable with how you feel. The more comfortable you are with your feelings the easier it is to work through your stuff. All feelings are normal, this includes the ‘good’ and ‘bad/negative’ feelings. People can avoid working through their stuff because of their feelings. The best way to feel is to sit quietly for a few moments, close your eyes, and just notice how you feel. Breathe in a relaxed way and just notice whatever feeling you notice. Allow yourself to connect with the feeling so that you can get a stronger sense of it. To start with do this for a minute every day for a week, then build up to 2 minutes. Each time allowing yourself to get a stronger sense of how you feel. You will be surprised and how good it feels.

 5.      Spend time outdoors

Being outdoors is revitalizing. Breathing in the fresh air, feeling the sun or wind or rain on your face, watching the leaves move or fall and listening to the sounds of nature brings you back into the moment, allowing your mind to switch off and relax. Even 10 seconds of switching off is good. Imagine clenching your fist really tightly and holding it for as long as you can. Notice the tension. It’s the same when your mind is busy. Allowing that down time for your mind is just as important as relaxing your muscles. There’s lots of things you can do outside – walk, exercise, sit with a coffee, read.

To download a pdf of these tips, please click the link – Top Tips for Staying on Track

Honour yourself now! Start today to see the true you, find what lies within. Though this may sound unachievable to you, there are some very simple steps you can take that will bring you closer to the real you. Are you ready to discover yourself?

Get yourself comfortable in a chair. Close your eyes. Sit for a moment, and just notice whatever you notice. Now focus on your breath as it moves in and out of your chest. Notice the rise and fall of your chest, the feel of the air on your nose.

Move onto noticing how you feel in this moment. Just sit with the feeling or sit and wait for a feeling to surface – it may be light and just noticeable or maybe there more quickly. What feeling is coming to the surface for you? Allow yourself to ‘get’ comfortable with this feeling. Notice where it ‘sits’ in your body, whether your breathing changes with it, what your eyes are doing, how you feel physically. Sit with this feeling as long as you can (30 seconds, 2minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes – it doesn’t matter). When you feel you are finished and you will know when you have, return to focusing on your breath, the rise and fall of your chest, the feel of the air on your nose. When you are ready, gently open your eyes. And sit in silence for a moment.

You can do this connection exercise daily if you like. With practice you will be able to connect for longer and longer. The feelings you notice will change with time, it is important to accept whatever comes to the surface for you. This too will change with time and as time progresses you will discover what lies within.

With love & gratitude

Julie xx

Being who you are is about expressing yourself; this can be verbally with words or inon-verbally with actions or activities. There a many simple steps you can take to feel more comfortable being who you are. You might like to try these:

1. On a scale of 1 – 10, rate how comfortable you are being you. It is important for you to be honest here. Admitting to yourself and accepting how you feel is the first step in changing an aspect of yourself. If you have rated yourself less than 5, find someone who can help you.
2. Make a list of what is important to you. Knowing what is important helps you to direct your energies toward this.
3. Then identify why each of the things you have written is important to you. When you know why, it helps you to feel comfortable and helps you to understand yourself more. This will make it easier for you to make decisions and to talk about you.
4. Pick one item from the list and talk about it as much as possible in the coming week. Take note if what you are saying is positive or negative. If it’s positive keep going, if it’s negative – change what you are saying to something more positive or better sounding.

You are the only person who is with you - your whole life.

Learn to be comfortable with YOU!

With love & gratitude

Julie xx

DAY 8: “I forgive myself. I forgive others. I am free to love & enjoy life”  I still feel disconnected from doing this. My voice has more connection today. I am distracted by my facial features. I notice distractions around me. I’ve really enjoyed my day today as I reflect on this I feel a wave of lightness pass through me. I’m aware I still feel tired. My eyes are blood shot. I just want to sleep.

DAY 9: I feel more connected today. I feel inspired to repeat the affirmation more times. I listen to the words and allow myself to absorb them. I notice how beautiful my eyes are. I feel ‘love’ and a new level of happiness. I’ve enjoyed today and find I’m letting go of stuff so much easier – I wonder if that is the forgiveness coming out. It doesn’t really matter, does it?

DAY 10: “I forgive myself. I forgive others. I am free to love & enjoy life” Today looking into my eyes as I say this affirmation – I see me! I want to repeat this over and over again as I feel the love resonate through every cell in my body..I love that I am doing this. I let go so easily. The letting go was the centre point for 2 other physical symptoms that I had. One has almost resolved. I wrote the affirmation differently today, unintentionally I put “I forgive myself”  first. I feel the freeness – the words “I am free” really connect and resonate with me. I am so glad I am doing this.

DAY 11: I repeat the affirmation over & over today, knowing that it was ringing true with me. I am really starting to feel the true meaning of loving & enjoying life. I feel high on life. My days are improving with each day since I’ve been doing this. I see the life, the love, the sparkle & the happiness in my eyes. There’s a light, tingling feeling shimmering through the edge of my body, just below the skin. I am letting go of stuff so easily – the “grumbling” ripple effect went through my family tonight. Not me though, I stepped aside from it. I found myself just releasing it effortlessly & without awareness of that I was doing it.

DAY 12: “I forgive myself. I forgive others. I am free to love & enjoy life” today I’ve had a few challenges which I’ve managed very well. I’ve accepted myself every time. I’ve been happy, loving my life & enjoying myself. I feel this is very significant. I look at the word forgive, to me ‘give’ = giving of my unconditional love & acceptance. The ‘for’ = the intention of. Each day I am resonating deeper & deeper with “I am free”. I feel freer on so many levels which is allowing me to enjoy myself more & love more of what I do, how I feel, what I receive, what I have, who I am, etc each day.

DAY 13: I don’t see the spark in my eyes – is this another layer lifting? I notice they’re sitting differently, in a different alignment to how they were a week ago. I notice the melodic sound to the words. As I affirm about forgiveness the challenging events of the day run through my mind. I recognise times when I could have forgiven/let go in the moment. This feels like a new level of awareness – letting go instantly. I am starting to believe that yes I am free to love & enjoy life. I am ready to enjoy my life big time.

DAY 14: “I forgive myself. I forgive others. I am free to love & enjoy life”  What’s the point of holding onto anything that is unpleasant. I want to be devoid of all negativity, all tension, all angst. Letting all of this go would bring a feeling of freeness. I close my eyes & imagine it lifting from me. It feels peaceful. I ask who is it I need to forgive, the answer is ‘me’ for ‘trying too hard!’  I ask myself am I free to love & enjoy life? The answer is -”if you are willing”.

I have a couple of physical symptoms which I’ve put up with for a few years. I’d come to accept that they were part of me. In the last week I realised this and so I am using the affirmation for one of them and this is the story of how I am doing it…

The affirmation for the physical symptom I am releasing is “I forgive others. I forgive myself. I am free to love and enjoy life”. I am saying this affirmation for 30 days out loud while looking into my own eyes in a mirror, here is what is coming up for me as I am doing it.

DAY 1: I see emptiness looking into my eyes as I say this. I am willing to forgive others, but hesitant to forgive myself. Reading the affirmation almost brings tears to my eyes. I am aware that there is so much more enjoyment that I could feel. And I know that I don’t love ALL aspects of my life. There are aspects where I feel limitations, fear, disappointments, impatience, anger, self doubt. And feeling these emotions does not make me feel free.

DAY 2: I still see a nothingness as I look into my own eyes as I say the affirmation. I feel no emotional connection with the words. I sense an underlying emotion that is distant, that I am disconnected from. In this moment I am cross with myself for something I just did. An easy mistake, yet I feel myself chastising and berating myself, disappointed. I sit with the disappointment, pondering whether I can forgive myself. I know the answer is NO…. Then I return to the disappointment and sit with this – I notice the release of the hardness with which I was judging myself. Is this forgiveness and what it feels like?

DAY 3: I forgive others. I forgive myself. I am free to love & enjoy life…. I see a glimpse of life in my eyes. I notice my voice is connecting with the words, yet my eyes do not reflect this. Something is starting to resonate with me. I feel lighter…. The emotion is there I can feel it in my eyes. It’s almost an anguish, yet I feel myself surrendering to the process, knowing that this will bring me a freeing of some kind. I take a deep breath and let go. 

DAY 4: There is life in my eyes. They are starting to smile. There is expression in my voice – a slight melody. I feel so much lighter. I feel love & compassion for myself…. I wonder whom I need to forgive & what for. I also wonder what I need to forgive myself for. I feel it doesn’t matter. I feel a kind of balance in my energy. Life is good. I can see how I’ve placed so much pressure on myself in the past. 

DAY 5: I forgive others. I forgive myself. I am free to love & enjoy life…… I notice a real change in my eyes. I am connecting with me. I feel lighter & vibrant… I feel peaceful & accepting of myself. As negative thoughts about myself rise, they go without completing the thought, and also without effort on my part. I am open to enjoying life. For too long I’ve held back from fully committing to this. Now I am ready!!

DAY 6: I see a sparkle and a warmth in my eyes. I am starting to enjoy life. Really enjoying my experiences. I feel forgiveness is a natural state of being…Just like happiness is. I feel admiration for me and how I’m feeling. Wow!! And this is only day 6, what lies ahead? I am looking forward to this. 

DAY 7: I forgive others. I forgive myself. I am free to love & enjoy life….Now that I’ve returned home from time away without family,  I find the hardness has returned to my eyes. I feel disconnected from the words. Not connected to this at all…I am rushing it. Trying not to get caught with what I’m doing (funny when I’m putting out there for the world to see). As I realise this I slow down and connect. The words “I am free” resonate with me tonight.

 Love & blessings

Julie

Fun is a necessary and important part of your life. Where along the way did you stop having fun? What lead to you shutting down your ability to laugh at life and enjoy yourself? Too many people are taking life too seriously, we all need to lighten up and start to enjoy ourselves. As we re learn how to have fun again, our hearts open to the joy and beauty that surrounds us. At the same time our minds turn off. We need to close our minds to the endless chatter, that until this point we have thought was helpful. The endless chatter that is usually driving us forward, pushing us to be better than we are, not because we know that we deserve this, but because this endless chatter is self critical. Telling each of us where we are not perfect, where our actions are not perfect. Highlighting to us, who doesn’t approve of our actions, who is doing better than us, who we need to be more like.

In truth, as we connect with having fun our whole vibration starts to shift and lighten. The mere thought of having fun, lightens our energy. The phrase ‘lifts our spirits’ comes from the recognition of this lightening of our energy. As you are now in this moment thinking of having fun, notice the difference in how you feel physically, just sit and notice how your body feels, it may be subtle – but it will feel lighter. And with the feeling of lightness comes a feeling of freedom. Of feeling freer than you did before. This feeling of freeness reflects the freeness from the endless mind numbing chatter.

Life is meant to be for living. And living is about experience. In each moment we can choose how to see each experience. We can look for the lightness or listen to the mindless chatter and see our experiences from a self degrading view. When we choose to look at experience from lightness, we open the eyes to our soul, we see so much more than we did before. We see the lightness reflected back to us. When we see lightness it becomes easier for us to hold that lightness. When we hold that lightness it becomes easier for us to have and enjoy the fun.

Fun and lightness are one and the same. It is much like ‘which came first the chicken or the egg’. Look for the lightness or the fun in all that you do. Perhaps sit and reflect on your experiences in the last 24hrs and see what perspective you looked at this from. If it was one of mindless chatter, take the time to look at it from a space of lightness and fun. And just see what you notice, even seeing one thing different is an advancement for you, which will step your energy up to a lighter level.

Love & blessings

Julie xx