Just like a house, relationships need solid foundations. Getting all the key points right from the beginning creates a strong and lasting relationship. People often become so focused on what they are or aren’t getting from a relationship, or what the other person is or isn’t doing for them that they fail to put the effort into the important aspects. Like everything, you can learn how to have a good relationship. Here’s some key building blocks…
Always respect the other person. They are an individual just like you. They have life experience too. It may not be the same as yours but it’s very real for them. Respect means not thinking that you know best every time.
Listen! It’s often said that you have two ears and one mouth because listening is twice as important as talking. The best way to show someone that you value them is to listen. Practice hearing what the other person is saying, allow some silence in the conversation so you know they’ve finished speaking. That way you won’t cut them off or share your thoughts when they’ve got more to say. Try to let some conversations just be about the other person.
Don’t criticize. Your intentions may be good, you’re probably just trying to help them become a better person, or do a better job at something. Your comments or suggestions or actions can be perceived by the other person as criticism. It doesn’t matter if they do things their way, or in actual fact not how you want it to be done.
Look in the mirror! If they’re pushing your buttons, take a look at yourself. Things only annoy you when you do something similar. It can be hard to admit this. If the relationship means a lot to you, it is really important that you are prepared to work on yourself in order to improve the relationship.
Pick your battles. Striking a balance between loosing yourself in the relationship and standing up for you takes practice. Don’t argue over petty things that won’t matter in a year’s time. It can help to excuse yourself, go for a walk or take some deep breaths to allow you the space to put things into perspective. Ask yourself if this happening with someone else would it matter as much?
With love and gratitude, Julie